Numerology

Part of me lovvvveeessss horoscope or anything that "reads" future. I find it extremely fascinating. And so, today we read out based on our "numbers". Mine is 6.

Blah blah blah Inc family oriented, dominating, charismatic etc. I like this though: good parent. I hope I will be one day.

You know, sometimes I hear a nagging voice at the back of my head saying that nahhh you should never have a family coz you will just kill them off one by one. But deep down, I know I will protect my family when I do have one.

And then, I will always remember someone said to me, (Johan): You should try to trust yourself more.

That's one of the best observation a friend had ever passed to me. And every time Im confused, now I will just remember that quote.

Understanding

There are times where I see that even the person closest to me don't understand how I feel. To know what and how words can affect me. To know when silence speaks more volume.

One can only know if one has gone through it.

And emotionally, I haven't seen anyone who understands how I feel.

To understand is all I ask. But you can't even do that. If you don't want go through it and believe it as it never happened, then walk away. I will understand that.




ImyP

I wish

A lot of times I wish for some things I know I can't get easily. I mean everyone does... And here are mine.

I wish I had the liberty to travel as and when and anywhere without the constant worry of my parents. Without them thinking I've gone all "westernized" or rather, "Chinese" like what my mom always say to me. Being the youngest doesn't always mean pro, it has lots of cons too.

I wish I had the liberty of time. To be back home at any time without my parents calling, not sleeping, demanding to know where am I.

I may look like I didn't try enough. Believe me, it takes a lot of effort. It all boils down to my parents mentality.

My parents are very different. While mom is very chatty, she actually trust me a lot. When She scold me though, everything I've done for the last 10 yrs of my life suddenly popped back. But, She knows I've grown and I'm going to see more things soon. So while she is going to scold me for coming home late, she actually let me travel easily.

Dad, on the other hand, he is very quiet. He talks when necessary. He doesn't scold me, he merely questions me. Questioned what I was thinking at point of error and only at point of error. But, he won't let me go. He still view me as the baby of the family. The youngest and the forever studying child. The one he took care longest. For that, I guess that's why he is so afraid of letting me go.

For some reasons, they are still hanging on strongly.


Sometimes, I wish I have the access to turn back time. So that I can rewrite history that wouldn't haunt you anymore. So that some grave mistakes didn't occur at all.

Is it too late to forgive? Or maybe is it possible to forget? Can we ever overcome this problem? Or are we going to be how my parents, my mom to be exact, talking bout mistakes of years ago and yet, irrelevant to what the current problem is? It doesn't solve the current problem and in fact, bringing past feelings emerge again.

I have tried to change and to accommodate. Sharing a huge history I hope neither of us will ever forget, at least I know I won't at all.

If they say things happen for a reason, I hope the sole reason: its a test of time.

I know who I truly love and care for. Please don't tell me who I should love instead, unless you think likewise; that you regret and you should have loved someone else.