Hope is all we have sometimes

Sometimes, I wonder,

Could I intervene and keep you by my side?

If it's a yes, what would happen to Mr Big and I?

Would we be facing you together?

What would my ambition be?

How much would I have changed?

Would I be able to survive?

What sort of work would I have taken up?

How different my life would be?

Would I be happier?

Would circumstances pushed me to survive alone?

Would I be able to make it through?

Could I have make it through alone?

I found the answer that be it a "Yes" or "No", both are cruel actions that will bring guilt.

Guilt of possible inability to bring joy. Guilt of not trying. Guilt.


Guilty of depriving myself happiness that deep within I know, I could have fought for.

And now, what am I?

In search of happiness, what am I truly? Where am I searching? What is it I'm finding really?

I guess I will never be what I was, again.

That my yearnings will never be found and my guilt will never be removed.

Maybe I was never truly convinced that the past was meant to be a lesson for an unanticipated future.

Maybe I was never convinced that I should be let off so easily for this mistake.

Maybe half my soul gone with the wind and that was suppose to be my punishment.

With that, maybe I will never be as happy as I was.

As I search for my other half that was gone. Gone when I decided to close my eyes and open it several hours after.

Just like that. Gone.



Gone with the wind and barely a kiss, P..