Eleven Minutes

"If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realised that what had thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in notion, not his physical body."- Paulo Coelho

I was thinking about how blissful it was and how terrible it ended. How can the love that taught me to straighten my life, succeed in school and sports, abandon bad companions.. Is the same one driving me to paranoia, back to who I was? How strange is that?

But haven't we try to cage each other, in attempt to be more "serious"? And yet, look at us. We lost what we had. 

I've tried long before you. Console myself that perhaps all relationship will turn out like this. Convince myself I should always put in more effort. Attempt to forget bad vibes, that what we had was strong, loving and could conquer it all. Always blaming myself even for your faults, that whatever you've done its because I wasn't attentive enough. Trying my very best to put you first before everything, although you always say otherwise. 

I've cried enough. Let me find my ground. I've lay there for sometime without realising how depressed I've been. 

So fly. Fly and be the ambitious one. One that has grandeur plans with his life. Do what you have always wanted to do. 

And do it for yourself. 

Sparkle

"Sometimes I feel like I just passed you by
And left you standing in your pain
But you were the one with the magic
You were the one with the sparkle
And you had it all

I know it's never gonna be the way it was
How can it?
Feelings change and people can get lost
But I still think of you so much
Do you remember how it was?"


How far would you go to find yourself?
In another person's comfort? In another country? In your own little shell?

How would you reestablish yourself? Know what your life is worth and what is it for?

Coz you just do

One day, I hope for you...

You will meet a woman who drives you crazy and yet, bring so much joy for you. One that you will realise you will do anything for. One that will make you yearn for her like you never had. One that makes you cry for loving her too much.

One day... I hope you meet that woman. One that is worth your time and stop it. One that just stop your world from spinning. That time, space, money, everything cannot be any boundary to you both.

And I wish you love.

Heartaches

My heart aches. Obviously, you still and probably will know me best. To have a conversation I had missed. Yes, I miss us- of what we were and could have been. Presently, I'm just trying to breathe.

I walked away, tearing. My walls and walls of defence. My continuous attempt to search for myself. Breathing is a conscious act. Over thinking is probably what I'm doing. But how do you explain your lil conscious acts to stay straight and not crumble and not to tell everyone that you've lost yourself and you don't know where it went?

Sounds crazy to me too.