Tests are endless. One after another.
Monies are depleting like water. SHEESH.
Torn between trying to find another job and screwed up all holiday opportunities OR simply fuck it up and move forward.
Ok Singapore police force has been in the news lately way too often, more than necessary. All these news of people being handcuffed, arrested for statements. Where is the line between being a good cop and bad cop? Where is the line that distinguishes protection of pride and oppressing voices? How bout focusing on more important issues in the country? Being more involved in public's welfare? What happen to the YOG food poisoning? Things could be handled much better.
You know how they say: You can never make everyone likes you. Well, exactly. Any more arrest based on another blogger's ideas or facebook status is definitely on the look out by the netizens. With the excessive reliance on internet in this current generation, you can't just kill one's voice anymore. It's bound to be circulated. So the force have to consider their movements and public reactions to prevent possible outlash again. Right now, the next decisions outlay for the 2 guys are being monitored by the netizens. I hope the decisions would be done in proper and is of the best choice.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
I'm screwed
I'M DEAD!
SO MANY THINGS TO DO.
SO LITTLE TIME.
I'm getting tired. No, sleep is not helping.
I woke up being even more and more tired. Bluergh.
Moving too much when I sleep. I think I should buy some thing to keep my hand away from my disturbing my body when I sleep.
Ok. I need to get back to endless amount of work.
great.
SO MANY THINGS TO DO.
SO LITTLE TIME.
I'm getting tired. No, sleep is not helping.
I woke up being even more and more tired. Bluergh.
Moving too much when I sleep. I think I should buy some thing to keep my hand away from my disturbing my body when I sleep.
Ok. I need to get back to endless amount of work.
great.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Do You Know?
DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE?
To keep calling and trying to get hold of one for hours?
To stay awake till wee morning, worried?
Calling all close friends and siblings who could probably be with you?
To not know what exactly happened?
To only received a call but by accident?
To hear loud background music with your voice mixed with another tender voice? or a crying one?
Am I being too harsh? Unreasonable?
Childish revenge?
Somethings never change. Somethings never have to happen. Somethings are never needed to be tolerated.
How sweet was it to go and teach with red bloodshot eyes?
To be so angry and not knowing how to let it all out but surprising yourself by bursting into loud sobbing tears?
"I'm Sorry"
That was not enough.
I want an explanation which up to now I do not know.
Moron,
I never once had to let out all the vulgarities I've learned in my entire life thrown to you.
Congratulations.
And if I hated that fucked up Chinese girl you're with, you only have yourself to blame.
Somethings never should have happened.
To keep calling and trying to get hold of one for hours?
To stay awake till wee morning, worried?
Calling all close friends and siblings who could probably be with you?
To not know what exactly happened?
To only received a call but by accident?
To hear loud background music with your voice mixed with another tender voice? or a crying one?
Am I being too harsh? Unreasonable?
Childish revenge?
Somethings never change. Somethings never have to happen. Somethings are never needed to be tolerated.
How sweet was it to go and teach with red bloodshot eyes?
To be so angry and not knowing how to let it all out but surprising yourself by bursting into loud sobbing tears?
"I'm Sorry"
That was not enough.
I want an explanation which up to now I do not know.
Moron,
I never once had to let out all the vulgarities I've learned in my entire life thrown to you.
Congratulations.
And if I hated that fucked up Chinese girl you're with, you only have yourself to blame.
Somethings never should have happened.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Roller-coaster emotions
Planting an idea in your head, with or without your realisation, can have a very negative impact to your mind.
I would like to share some 3 terms that are always being as synonyms but actually... I believe have quite a number of significant differences.
Emotional Insecurity:
"is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner)."
I think it's important to note that emotional insecurity is brought about the fact he/she believes the current state of positive emotions are purely temporary and impending loss or sadness would come by in the future.
This doesn't mean that one is jealous or envious. Also not to be confused with humility.Neither of those stem emotional insecurity but rather, emotional insecurity could lead to jealousy and being envious.
Jealousy:
"typically involves three people.... describe jealousy as a reaction to feeling threatened"
I believe jealousy comes from this protective action. The fear of losing something one already has or owns.
Envy:
"typically involves two people.. the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself"
I think the biggest difference with jealousy and envy is that jealousy is the fear of losing something he/she already has as compared to envy, does not owns the supposed valued thing but wishes to own it.
Clarity for these three terms, I guess, is probably brought by the fact that one always confuses these three..
On a serious note, I never knew I would have felt at least the slightest for any of these three. It annoys me. I couldn't sleep. I toss and turn. I stop. And the best part, it was only one line. Just one harmless annoying line. But it throws me and mind off balance.
But of course, I kept my cool. My silence. My mind brushing words of "normal", "unfair", "nothing"..
What an awful feeling. I told a mate to identify which three do I lie in, and she shrugged. "I think it's karma, babe. I think it's time you got struck by some feelings of fear." So, is it really karma? Maybe.. maybe..
So I took a step back and just kept on thinking. I hate dwelling but neither can I seem to let it go.
I suffered from some form of emotional insecurity when a boy I used to date donkey years ago said in front of his friend and directly in my face how ugly I was. Humiliated. Embarrassing. It became a torturous habit to hide my face ever since. I hated it when people stared at me. I get overtly self-conscious. That includes Mr Big. I been trying to get out from my shell but it has become a habit and I'm still learning to overcome it.
My insecurity also, I supposed, is worsen by my lack of body fluidity. Urm, I can't catch motion that fast. Ask me to choose between ice-skating and a history textbook, I probably would choose the latter. Yup, call me a nerd, I accept with arms wide open.
So where this is all leading to..? I think you get the gist of it. But I assure you, I don't fall in the jealous part. I guess I'm envious.. I wish I could be like someone, though I know I can never be. Intriguing.
Another line spurted out. Throwing my mind off. Did I lose myself somewhere along the way? Or is it just part of growing up? How I fear of falling and getting a bruise? How whiny I can be with insects bite? How I relentless complained about being tired because I had to walk quite a bit? Wait a min. I was never one that fear of cuts, pains, scars and whatever [heights are different issues].. What have I become?
I don't know.
But right now, I definitely do not enjoy this feeling one bit. And I only have myself to blame for.
I would like to share some 3 terms that are always being as synonyms but actually... I believe have quite a number of significant differences.
Emotional Insecurity:
"is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner)."
I think it's important to note that emotional insecurity is brought about the fact he/she believes the current state of positive emotions are purely temporary and impending loss or sadness would come by in the future.
This doesn't mean that one is jealous or envious. Also not to be confused with humility.Neither of those stem emotional insecurity but rather, emotional insecurity could lead to jealousy and being envious.
Jealousy:
"typically involves three people.... describe jealousy as a reaction to feeling threatened"
I believe jealousy comes from this protective action. The fear of losing something one already has or owns.
Envy:
"typically involves two people.. the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself"
I think the biggest difference with jealousy and envy is that jealousy is the fear of losing something he/she already has as compared to envy, does not owns the supposed valued thing but wishes to own it.
Clarity for these three terms, I guess, is probably brought by the fact that one always confuses these three..
On a serious note, I never knew I would have felt at least the slightest for any of these three. It annoys me. I couldn't sleep. I toss and turn. I stop. And the best part, it was only one line. Just one harmless annoying line. But it throws me and mind off balance.
But of course, I kept my cool. My silence. My mind brushing words of "normal", "unfair", "nothing"..
What an awful feeling. I told a mate to identify which three do I lie in, and she shrugged. "I think it's karma, babe. I think it's time you got struck by some feelings of fear." So, is it really karma? Maybe.. maybe..
So I took a step back and just kept on thinking. I hate dwelling but neither can I seem to let it go.
I suffered from some form of emotional insecurity when a boy I used to date donkey years ago said in front of his friend and directly in my face how ugly I was. Humiliated. Embarrassing. It became a torturous habit to hide my face ever since. I hated it when people stared at me. I get overtly self-conscious. That includes Mr Big. I been trying to get out from my shell but it has become a habit and I'm still learning to overcome it.
My insecurity also, I supposed, is worsen by my lack of body fluidity. Urm, I can't catch motion that fast. Ask me to choose between ice-skating and a history textbook, I probably would choose the latter. Yup, call me a nerd, I accept with arms wide open.
So where this is all leading to..? I think you get the gist of it. But I assure you, I don't fall in the jealous part. I guess I'm envious.. I wish I could be like someone, though I know I can never be. Intriguing.
Another line spurted out. Throwing my mind off. Did I lose myself somewhere along the way? Or is it just part of growing up? How I fear of falling and getting a bruise? How whiny I can be with insects bite? How I relentless complained about being tired because I had to walk quite a bit? Wait a min. I was never one that fear of cuts, pains, scars and whatever [heights are different issues].. What have I become?
I don't know.
But right now, I definitely do not enjoy this feeling one bit. And I only have myself to blame for.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Fasting month
NOW...
Tired. Jaded. Exhausted.
Schooling life sucks and yet, sickeningly entertaining.
and I hate it as much as I'm enjoying it.
Well, perhaps to be exact I hate tests/quizzes/exams blah blah.
But I guess I'm glad I have really awesome friends at school to cheer me, no matter how 'black' my face is everytime I'm in class..
Ooo and the fasting month arrives yet again.
I love the fasting month.
For me especially, it makes me feel like my quest in search of Him is getting closer and closer with each coming year. I admit I haven't been doing my part as a Muslim and I hope.. I hope I finally can find my true path.. This search is just important to me.. A sense of purpose in life to be finally answered and blessed. Till then, I'm still searching, understanding and trying to appreciate the beauty of it all.
To all Muslims out there,
Happy fasting.
Eat.Pray.Love.
Tired. Jaded. Exhausted.
Schooling life sucks and yet, sickeningly entertaining.
and I hate it as much as I'm enjoying it.
Well, perhaps to be exact I hate tests/quizzes/exams blah blah.
But I guess I'm glad I have really awesome friends at school to cheer me, no matter how 'black' my face is everytime I'm in class..
Ooo and the fasting month arrives yet again.
I love the fasting month.
For me especially, it makes me feel like my quest in search of Him is getting closer and closer with each coming year. I admit I haven't been doing my part as a Muslim and I hope.. I hope I finally can find my true path.. This search is just important to me.. A sense of purpose in life to be finally answered and blessed. Till then, I'm still searching, understanding and trying to appreciate the beauty of it all.
To all Muslims out there,
Happy fasting.
Eat.Pray.Love.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Collection
AND SO I REALISED...
As my friends know... I have very much a deprived childhood..
I dont watch cartoons.
I never had a barbie dolls.
I dont sing nursery rhymes [well, till Hanis and Hendra at least]
I barely have any recollection of what I do when I was a kid...
But that is because I grew up exceptionally close to my family.
Some would prolly say- "Yeah, me too what?!"
But how many of you would actually remember the symbolism? or even care?
Because I didn't have much to do when I was a kid..
This is for sure what happens..
When one talks about Changi Airport, they think of travelling.
I would think of
- running around terminal 1. going there for dinner. watching the planes taking off.
- especially me, I would think of my Dad. Bringing me around on his vespa at the back of airport. Sitting in silence and watched the planes taking off all day.
When one talks about Geylang Serai, they think of people bustling everywhere.
I would think of
- the entire bunch of us taking bus 21 and drop of at Geylang to eat Komala's
- visit my grandmother.
- Hari Raya excitement to get baju raya with my sisters.
When one talks about beaches, they lamented how Melayu nowhere else but 'lepak' at the beach.
I would think of
- Us catching bus 19 early Sunday morning loaded with mom's cooking.
- Bathing together and tried to do some sand castle, often failed.. so we try to 'bury' each other in the sands.
When one talks about National Day Parade, they talk about how its always the same stuff.
I would think of
- Our family eating KFC at the stadium, catching the Parade together.
- Sitting in home and eat mom's cooking [or sis's last year]
- Laughing and criticising how some parts could have been better
- agreeing on singing the same ol' tunes together.
When one talks about family dinner, they say how food is all paid for by their parents.
I would think of
- the moments when the entire bunch of us dined together around the small kitchen table.
- Dad punishing me for not finishing my rice.
- Mom scolding me for burping.
- The sisters helping with cleaning of the kitchen and me trying to sneak away from helping.
Nowadays, we all barely have time for each other. We barely sit and dined together. In fact, we barely see each other.
To some, it's fine. They say its the growing up stage, everyone moves out etc. blah blah blah...
Whatever you say it.
There are certain things going through my head when I passed by or missed out something. Believe me, I can get extremely emotional about it, you barely realised that it was me.
So now, the fasting month has come again. and.. as usual, the first week of fasting month is the family time! How we all rushed home to break fast together. How we called each other who is still in the train/bus etc to inform that the time to break fast has come.
Memories that I hold so dear. The only memories I had as a kid.
So do refrain yourself from saying something stupid in some landmark towards your friends because you never ever know how she/he cling on this treasured memories..
As my friends know... I have very much a deprived childhood..
I dont watch cartoons.
I never had a barbie dolls.
I dont sing nursery rhymes [well, till Hanis and Hendra at least]
I barely have any recollection of what I do when I was a kid...
But that is because I grew up exceptionally close to my family.
Some would prolly say- "Yeah, me too what?!"
But how many of you would actually remember the symbolism? or even care?
Because I didn't have much to do when I was a kid..
This is for sure what happens..
When one talks about Changi Airport, they think of travelling.
I would think of
- running around terminal 1. going there for dinner. watching the planes taking off.
- especially me, I would think of my Dad. Bringing me around on his vespa at the back of airport. Sitting in silence and watched the planes taking off all day.
When one talks about Geylang Serai, they think of people bustling everywhere.
I would think of
- the entire bunch of us taking bus 21 and drop of at Geylang to eat Komala's
- visit my grandmother.
- Hari Raya excitement to get baju raya with my sisters.
When one talks about beaches, they lamented how Melayu nowhere else but 'lepak' at the beach.
I would think of
- Us catching bus 19 early Sunday morning loaded with mom's cooking.
- Bathing together and tried to do some sand castle, often failed.. so we try to 'bury' each other in the sands.
When one talks about National Day Parade, they talk about how its always the same stuff.
I would think of
- Our family eating KFC at the stadium, catching the Parade together.
- Sitting in home and eat mom's cooking [or sis's last year]
- Laughing and criticising how some parts could have been better
- agreeing on singing the same ol' tunes together.
When one talks about family dinner, they say how food is all paid for by their parents.
I would think of
- the moments when the entire bunch of us dined together around the small kitchen table.
- Dad punishing me for not finishing my rice.
- Mom scolding me for burping.
- The sisters helping with cleaning of the kitchen and me trying to sneak away from helping.
Nowadays, we all barely have time for each other. We barely sit and dined together. In fact, we barely see each other.
To some, it's fine. They say its the growing up stage, everyone moves out etc. blah blah blah...
Whatever you say it.
There are certain things going through my head when I passed by or missed out something. Believe me, I can get extremely emotional about it, you barely realised that it was me.
So now, the fasting month has come again. and.. as usual, the first week of fasting month is the family time! How we all rushed home to break fast together. How we called each other who is still in the train/bus etc to inform that the time to break fast has come.
Memories that I hold so dear. The only memories I had as a kid.
So do refrain yourself from saying something stupid in some landmark towards your friends because you never ever know how she/he cling on this treasured memories..
NEWBIE
NEWBIE! That's what I am!!!!
I got booted out from diaryland! :(
after several years.. it's just plain upsetting.
Ok! So I'm still new to this site.. so it will take me some time... :)
Till then....
I got booted out from diaryland! :(
after several years.. it's just plain upsetting.
Ok! So I'm still new to this site.. so it will take me some time... :)
Till then....
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