Roller-coaster emotions

Planting an idea in your head, with or without your realisation, can have a very negative impact to your mind.

I would like to share some 3 terms that are always being as synonyms but actually... I believe have quite a number of significant differences.

Emotional Insecurity:
"is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner)."
I think it's important to note that emotional insecurity is brought about the fact he/she believes the current state of positive emotions are purely temporary and impending loss or sadness would come by in the future.

This doesn't mean that one is jealous or envious. Also not to be confused with humility.Neither of those stem emotional insecurity but rather, emotional insecurity could lead to jealousy and being envious.


Jealousy:
"typically involves three people.... describe jealousy as a reaction to feeling threatened"
I believe jealousy comes from this protective action. The fear of losing something one already has or owns.


Envy:
"typically involves two people.. the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself"
I think the biggest difference with jealousy and envy is that jealousy is the fear of losing something he/she already has as compared to envy, does not owns the supposed valued thing but wishes to own it.


Clarity for these three terms, I guess, is probably brought by the fact that one always confuses these three..

On a serious note, I never knew I would have felt at least the slightest for any of these three. It annoys me. I couldn't sleep. I toss and turn. I stop. And the best part, it was only one line. Just one harmless annoying line. But it throws me and mind off balance.

But of course, I kept my cool. My silence. My mind brushing words of "normal", "unfair", "nothing"..

What an awful feeling. I told a mate to identify which three do I lie in, and she shrugged. "I think it's karma, babe. I think it's time you got struck by some feelings of fear." So, is it really karma? Maybe.. maybe..

So I took a step back and just kept on thinking. I hate dwelling but neither can I seem to let it go.

I suffered from some form of emotional insecurity when a boy I used to date donkey years ago said in front of his friend and directly in my face how ugly I was. Humiliated. Embarrassing. It became a torturous habit to hide my face ever since. I hated it when people stared at me. I get overtly self-conscious. That includes Mr Big. I been trying to get out from my shell but it has become a habit and I'm still learning to overcome it.

My insecurity also, I supposed, is worsen by my lack of body fluidity. Urm, I can't catch motion that fast. Ask me to choose between ice-skating and a history textbook, I probably would choose the latter. Yup, call me a nerd, I accept with arms wide open.

So where this is all leading to..? I think you get the gist of it. But I assure you, I don't fall in the jealous part. I guess I'm envious.. I wish I could be like someone, though I know I can never be. Intriguing.

Another line spurted out. Throwing my mind off. Did I lose myself somewhere along the way? Or is it just part of growing up? How I fear of falling and getting a bruise? How whiny I can be with insects bite? How I relentless complained about being tired because I had to walk quite a bit? Wait a min. I was never one that fear of cuts, pains, scars and whatever [heights are different issues].. What have I become?

I don't know.

But right now, I definitely do not enjoy this feeling one bit. And I only have myself to blame for.