Unfortunately, exam periods make me listen to songs I usually dont...
There are so many questions lying in my head.. nights and nights after we last spoke.
I'm wondering if we had indeed grew apart..
I'm wondering if you still need me in your life...
I'm questioning our existence...
Thousands of unanswered questions as I stare at the darken screen hp.
I know jolly well this is not the time to think of all this but.... it's been knocking me. persistently growing like a lil worm into a butterfly in my head.
and yes, I miss hearing that voice. It hurts a lil...but I'm ok.
I'm going to be ok.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Partially excited
I'm partially excited!
two down.... two more to go! and the bed, ohhh the bed... How i miss the bed..
IT'S GOING TO BE MINE!
I can't wait for monday to come.
Do or die, who cares? Judgement day is here.
And I'm doing well. Thank god for that.
I'm pulling through very well. *phew.
Hope my luck remains!
I need all the luck and positive energy or whatever it's called to pull through Monday. My worse nightmare. Breathe.
Lately, I forgot the art of breathing. I'm going to kill myself this way.
two down.... two more to go! and the bed, ohhh the bed... How i miss the bed..
IT'S GOING TO BE MINE!
I can't wait for monday to come.
Do or die, who cares? Judgement day is here.
And I'm doing well. Thank god for that.
I'm pulling through very well. *phew.
Hope my luck remains!
I need all the luck and positive energy or whatever it's called to pull through Monday. My worse nightmare. Breathe.
Lately, I forgot the art of breathing. I'm going to kill myself this way.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Runaway
Maybe you're right..
I've been neglecting us. I've been away. I've disappeared. I've done everything that makes us upset.
But all I asked was time. understanding. strength.
Time.
My crazy time of my life is here.. For several years, from schools to another school, it's always the same with me. My exams take the centre stage of my life..
Understanding.
With exams taking so much time. My preparations for it. How physically and brain drained I always feel after a whole day spent studying. How I just wanna sit, have dinner, small lil chats and cuddle to remind me that I have something to look forward after the hell week is over.
Strength.
I dont have the strength to pull through without you. I need someone to be there, kiss my forehead and remind me that it's ok to fail. To remind me that I am not letting anyone down.
It's been tough for me, as it is for you. But I appreciate it all that you did. How you would meet even for a short while to have dinner with me. To meet me eventhough you're hanging out with your friends. To try cheering me up. And even, travelling down to just pass me a chinese tea and panadol. I thank you for all that...
For your presence, for being there.
I'm sorry I can't meet all those expectations anymore. Maybe, indeed, I've retract.. I've been boring, I've not been random, I always say the wrong things, I always upset you. I'm sorry I don't make you happy anymore. But first, I just want to say if you think there is another in my life, none. No one. Blame it all on me. Blame it all on school. Blame it on me trying to vie for the top levels.
But let's do so... like what you suggested.
So, if you miss me and you think my presence would makes a difference even for a short while, then call me. For I miss you, the one who text me in the morning. the one who calls me in the night and asked how my day went. the one who holds my hand when we crossed the road. the one who hugs me when we parted. the one who kissed my forehead and genuinely smile seeing me.
For I assure you it was never what I wanted but if you think it's the best, then let's do it. I will be waiting.
I've been neglecting us. I've been away. I've disappeared. I've done everything that makes us upset.
But all I asked was time. understanding. strength.
Time.
My crazy time of my life is here.. For several years, from schools to another school, it's always the same with me. My exams take the centre stage of my life..
Understanding.
With exams taking so much time. My preparations for it. How physically and brain drained I always feel after a whole day spent studying. How I just wanna sit, have dinner, small lil chats and cuddle to remind me that I have something to look forward after the hell week is over.
Strength.
I dont have the strength to pull through without you. I need someone to be there, kiss my forehead and remind me that it's ok to fail. To remind me that I am not letting anyone down.
It's been tough for me, as it is for you. But I appreciate it all that you did. How you would meet even for a short while to have dinner with me. To meet me eventhough you're hanging out with your friends. To try cheering me up. And even, travelling down to just pass me a chinese tea and panadol. I thank you for all that...
For your presence, for being there.
I'm sorry I can't meet all those expectations anymore. Maybe, indeed, I've retract.. I've been boring, I've not been random, I always say the wrong things, I always upset you. I'm sorry I don't make you happy anymore. But first, I just want to say if you think there is another in my life, none. No one. Blame it all on me. Blame it all on school. Blame it on me trying to vie for the top levels.
But let's do so... like what you suggested.
So, if you miss me and you think my presence would makes a difference even for a short while, then call me. For I miss you, the one who text me in the morning. the one who calls me in the night and asked how my day went. the one who holds my hand when we crossed the road. the one who hugs me when we parted. the one who kissed my forehead and genuinely smile seeing me.
For I assure you it was never what I wanted but if you think it's the best, then let's do it. I will be waiting.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Caffein
I'm sorry if I disappoint you..
:(
It's going to be here soon. 1 week exactly. I'm worried.
Really worried.
This is not going well. Not good at all.
:(
It's going to be here soon. 1 week exactly. I'm worried.
Really worried.
This is not going well. Not good at all.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR BIG!!!
My beloved Mr. Big recently celebrated his birthday. I surprised him at mOOn Hotel with scented candles. Ouh, what a beautiful sight it was a I blindfold this boy with a shawl.
He kept crying out loud, for heaven sakes! "HEEELLLLPPPPPP MMMEEEE"
EMBARRASSSEEEDDDD.
I mean, we even passed by a police man with this wailing boy -"HHEEELLLPPP". Goddamit!
Soon after, we had a drink or two and headed down what almost became a good surprise until a retard SMS-ed him! My plan was to bring him to Night Safari and his friend just had to burst the bubble by asking him what time we were ending when he obviously could text me!!!
It was the halloween night. I hated it! I was actually scared la! Esp by this bloody clown. God. I hate clowns! And know what, that clown chased people. Scary or what?! AND I HATE THE MANSION!! I WAS SCREAMING LIKE A LIL GIRL COMING CLOSE TO THE END. I HATE ITTTT!!! Mr Big was laughing at all my squeals! It's not even funny when half the time you're trying to dodge the "ghosts".
We ended the night with supper at an Indian 24-hour restaurant. Pretty tummy-fying! Love.
And so, we ended there and there.
I wished I had planned a lil bit more and try to really secure all his friends. I still feel I did a major letdown for that. But, I didn't and so, none of his friends eventually popped their nose. Although he assured me it was alright, I'm pretty sure it's not. Haiz.
But I reallyyyy hope he will take good care of that fragile Original Ray Ban Aviator. It will see through a hell load more of high and low years together with him, without needing me around. :)
SIDETRACK:
Seeing how his friend planned for school events gave me a whole new boost. I'm sorry but I'm very fickle on what kind of entreprenuership I would like to do. From doing merchandising to designing to almost everything actually, even property. Of course, I would still do property one day. I love property market and Forex. :)
But yes, I'm definitely impressed. I told Mr Big about my idea of instructor for sports.. We could figure it out. AND I REALLY THINK IT CAN WORK. Problem 1: We might need a lil bit more capital to have the very first few equipments. Problem 2: oh! if it ever worked, other problems would come and we think of that another day.
For now, I'm contented with that idea. If we could, or I could, get sometime in Finance Industry. Earn my big buck for several years and start doing what I really love...
Mr Big, we could somehow make this idea work. =)
My beloved Mr. Big recently celebrated his birthday. I surprised him at mOOn Hotel with scented candles. Ouh, what a beautiful sight it was a I blindfold this boy with a shawl.
He kept crying out loud, for heaven sakes! "HEEELLLLPPPPPP MMMEEEE"
EMBARRASSSEEEDDDD.
I mean, we even passed by a police man with this wailing boy -"HHEEELLLPPP". Goddamit!
Soon after, we had a drink or two and headed down what almost became a good surprise until a retard SMS-ed him! My plan was to bring him to Night Safari and his friend just had to burst the bubble by asking him what time we were ending when he obviously could text me!!!
It was the halloween night. I hated it! I was actually scared la! Esp by this bloody clown. God. I hate clowns! And know what, that clown chased people. Scary or what?! AND I HATE THE MANSION!! I WAS SCREAMING LIKE A LIL GIRL COMING CLOSE TO THE END. I HATE ITTTT!!! Mr Big was laughing at all my squeals! It's not even funny when half the time you're trying to dodge the "ghosts".
We ended the night with supper at an Indian 24-hour restaurant. Pretty tummy-fying! Love.
And so, we ended there and there.
I wished I had planned a lil bit more and try to really secure all his friends. I still feel I did a major letdown for that. But, I didn't and so, none of his friends eventually popped their nose. Although he assured me it was alright, I'm pretty sure it's not. Haiz.
But I reallyyyy hope he will take good care of that fragile Original Ray Ban Aviator. It will see through a hell load more of high and low years together with him, without needing me around. :)
SIDETRACK:
Seeing how his friend planned for school events gave me a whole new boost. I'm sorry but I'm very fickle on what kind of entreprenuership I would like to do. From doing merchandising to designing to almost everything actually, even property. Of course, I would still do property one day. I love property market and Forex. :)
But yes, I'm definitely impressed. I told Mr Big about my idea of instructor for sports.. We could figure it out. AND I REALLY THINK IT CAN WORK. Problem 1: We might need a lil bit more capital to have the very first few equipments. Problem 2: oh! if it ever worked, other problems would come and we think of that another day.
For now, I'm contented with that idea. If we could, or I could, get sometime in Finance Industry. Earn my big buck for several years and start doing what I really love...
Mr Big, we could somehow make this idea work. =)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
THINKING
LATELY, I've been thinking A LOT.
From topics like exams.. to social life like Project Hakani.. to political like the recent passing of an important lady and the death of a sweet love.
It's endless. I haven't got the time to get talking bout the subject and voice my opinion. soon, check this space.
For now, I'm in a search for a solid ground. Looking my upcoming bleak months.. even days actually, makes me feel utterly depressed. Yes, I've figured everyone goes through their broke moments but really, don't you think it's how one is exposed to it and manage it that makes a difference?
To begin with, ever since I was 16, I was doing some sort of odd jobs to tide the months.. just so i could pay my handphone bills. how pathetic. to work just to pay my bills. so yes, I'm not used to idling with no real plans of what to do with the free time and the inevitably, being broke of course. The thought of idling already makes me nervous.
And exams together with possible period soon, makes me utterly anxious. I think I'm going to have a breakdown soon. I need someone to be strong for me. Just be strong. I need someone to hold on to while I ride this uncertain waves.
From topics like exams.. to social life like Project Hakani.. to political like the recent passing of an important lady and the death of a sweet love.
It's endless. I haven't got the time to get talking bout the subject and voice my opinion. soon, check this space.
For now, I'm in a search for a solid ground. Looking my upcoming bleak months.. even days actually, makes me feel utterly depressed. Yes, I've figured everyone goes through their broke moments but really, don't you think it's how one is exposed to it and manage it that makes a difference?
To begin with, ever since I was 16, I was doing some sort of odd jobs to tide the months.. just so i could pay my handphone bills. how pathetic. to work just to pay my bills. so yes, I'm not used to idling with no real plans of what to do with the free time and the inevitably, being broke of course. The thought of idling already makes me nervous.
And exams together with possible period soon, makes me utterly anxious. I think I'm going to have a breakdown soon. I need someone to be strong for me. Just be strong. I need someone to hold on to while I ride this uncertain waves.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Swweeetness
Sweetness.
Universal Studio was bunch of fun if it didn't rain! and Liyana and Fazleen! you girls should be somewhat proud of me! I didnt get my panic attacks!! woohhooo!
Thank you Mr Big for being there for me =) I enjoyed all those lil kisses after every ride. Hah.
I'm a pussycat in boots! :P
Recently, we watched I Love You, Philip Morris! It was hilarious and guess what! you get to catch Jim Carrey kissing Ewan Mcgregor!! for real! Mr BIG, you're a homophobic! I dont care!!! hahahah! you're bound to offend some gays man...
Anyway, a friend texted me how he saw Mr Big and me in the theaters. He was few seats behind. and.. he didnt called us out even after the movies because he was with his girlfriend. wait a min, aren't I too? I mean it wasn't as if I was alone or hanging out with other boys. I was with my boyfriend and I can somewhat still portray some threats? I dont get it. and I was pretty upset... But I get this all the time, so Im suppose to be ok, right.. right? no? i dont know really.
It's just strange coming from a girl who cried and called me when she was in Germany and asked how her boyfriend is. and I thought we were cool with each other. But no. guess not, considering the amount of times she deleted my number of his phone.
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