Running wild

Just when I thought I have found a reason to smile, it disappeared. Totally disappeared as if it never happened, leaving me confused. And then, I'm back to square one.

Wasn't this what I've been chasing for?
A clean slate?

I found a new friend. His name is Doubt. Doubt is my constant reminder of things. If its right or wrong, Doubt does his job too well. I would be thinking- that's the amazing thing to do! Doubt would come in- This is what you left everything you've known for?

For all I care, Doubt has been winning for some time now.

I've been "reflecting", "thinking" or whatever you called. And then I got afraid. What is the meaning of leading a life like this? What is the meaning to do things without a purpose and plans? What is the meaning of enjoyment?

Being alone forces you to face yourself. Forces you to face things you never wanted to. Seeing things in different perspective. What a torture it is. And yet, the bliss in being alone reminds you things that you have not appreciate all this while. The world seems bigger, prettier and every single gesture is now taken with more gratitude than before.

Haven't we all taken this world for granted?

Granted that our life will run its course. Granted that things will always be the same. Granted that the trust and love of somebody will always be there. Granted that our friends would always be there for us. We have all taken things for granted and blindly too.

My friend said: you're thinking too much. Kick back and relax.

So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Kick back and relax.

Positive

I never thought the day would come.. that I would learn to laugh again.

Little Lion Man

I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?

Mirror

After all the tears I've shed.. I lie awake in my bed, thinking.

What do I want now?
Do I want to relieve it all again?
Do I want us to start afresh?

I have to stay firm this time. I cannot go on a meltdown every few months. I cannot go crazy after every fight. What we had was beautiful. What we will have, God knows.

I stand grounded that I don't want a marriage. What's the point then getting back together? What's the point then being together at all? I stand grounded I will or maybe never be ready for marriage.

I may regret this one day. But, why should I lie anymore? I'm tired of lying, to myself.

Fate

As fate has it, our path crossed.

"Hey, did you saw him?"
"Where?"

I turned around, immediately. Only to see you walk away, quickly out of my side.
And I stand there at the road, hoping that God give me a sign. I hoped that you turned.

But you didn't. And you were getting out of my side very quickly. I saw you push that door open and walked in, I saw the door closed.. I saw you disappeared from sight.

That's when I realised.. It will never be the same again, no matter how hard we try.

So I looked down, walked away, crying along the way. When I said I love you the most, I never lie. I did and perhaps, always will. But that's all it will ever be.