You know what is the most difficult thing to achieve apart from growing money? It's happiness. People seek happiness in all sorts of ways. They found major gratification in differing ways: some found them in drinking, some found them in having a family, some found them by being alone.
I have been feeling pressured to upkeep a happy face. I begin to question myself...
For whom exactly am I doing a particular action for? Is it for me or is it for someone else?
At home, I feel pressured to please mom. Her and her stereotypes. In fact, I just overheard her telling her friend: Let her work, study so hard also for what?
Which for some reasons, got me all upset. All depressed. Pressured to show that my education will really materialized. That my brain is worth more than just facing books. I got tired.
When I'm out, I feel a constant need to please and make someone happy. I got tired.
No matter what I do to overcome my shortcomings, no one seemed to care. In their head, they have a major problem with a particular shortcoming. For my mom, it's about me still unable to find a job. For others, my lack of time and traveling spaces. But no matter how I try to cover my shortcomings, to placate them, it's always not enough. It's never enough. It's always I never try hard enough. I realize in my bid to make someone happy by trying to do everything else, they continue to pounce on that shortcoming. No matter what.
So I got tired. I got tired of pleasing and trying my best to make people happy. I realize in my bid to make them happy, I try to do all sorts of things that it starts to make me unhappy.
I begin to question like who exactly am I pleasing? What exactly do I get? Why, what and for whom are the biggest questions lingering in my head. If I'm fighting, at least I want to know why am I fighting. I want to know what am I defending.
Why are people expecting so much from me? Why are people so pressurizing?
And I needed to hear a genuine laugh. I need to see a genuine smile. That's all. But I swear, that is the most difficult thing to get by these days. To be genuinely happy without expecting anything more.
Because I'm truly tired. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of pleasing. I'm tired trying to make people happy, at the stake of my own happiness. I'm tired of defending.
I only have so much to offer. I know my shortcomings. I know my fault lines. I only can offer my genuine love and care but if you're true happiness lies in one able to do more things rather than all this bullshit love and care, than please move on. Because I've said, I've only so much to offer.
I have been feeling pressured to upkeep a happy face. I begin to question myself...
For whom exactly am I doing a particular action for? Is it for me or is it for someone else?
At home, I feel pressured to please mom. Her and her stereotypes. In fact, I just overheard her telling her friend: Let her work, study so hard also for what?
Which for some reasons, got me all upset. All depressed. Pressured to show that my education will really materialized. That my brain is worth more than just facing books. I got tired.
When I'm out, I feel a constant need to please and make someone happy. I got tired.
No matter what I do to overcome my shortcomings, no one seemed to care. In their head, they have a major problem with a particular shortcoming. For my mom, it's about me still unable to find a job. For others, my lack of time and traveling spaces. But no matter how I try to cover my shortcomings, to placate them, it's always not enough. It's never enough. It's always I never try hard enough. I realize in my bid to make someone happy by trying to do everything else, they continue to pounce on that shortcoming. No matter what.
So I got tired. I got tired of pleasing and trying my best to make people happy. I realize in my bid to make them happy, I try to do all sorts of things that it starts to make me unhappy.
I begin to question like who exactly am I pleasing? What exactly do I get? Why, what and for whom are the biggest questions lingering in my head. If I'm fighting, at least I want to know why am I fighting. I want to know what am I defending.
Why are people expecting so much from me? Why are people so pressurizing?
And I needed to hear a genuine laugh. I need to see a genuine smile. That's all. But I swear, that is the most difficult thing to get by these days. To be genuinely happy without expecting anything more.
Because I'm truly tired. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of pleasing. I'm tired trying to make people happy, at the stake of my own happiness. I'm tired of defending.
I only have so much to offer. I know my shortcomings. I know my fault lines. I only can offer my genuine love and care but if you're true happiness lies in one able to do more things rather than all this bullshit love and care, than please move on. Because I've said, I've only so much to offer.
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